I’m a bit sleepy but marmee insists on taking a photo of me cos I’m 1 week old today!
1 22 minutes ago
If you’ve watched my stories the last couple of days it probably looks like I’m organizing some fabric. I’m also working through some resurfacing garbage♻️, by going all Marikondo on my studio. I’m in a funny in-between place. I’m busy enjoying my life at about 80%, but there still is 20% where I’m battling with anxiety that simply won’t go away. I’ll be fine for weeks. Months. And then the trigger hits and I’m toast. It’s haunting. like being afflicted, like being inhabited or possessed. The type of anxiety that keeps you from doing things and makes you do things. And it’s triggered by something so specific, and I can pinpoint the minute that I was triggered for the very first time when I was 3. Yet I still can’t seem to put it to bed. Spent time meeting with a counselor this evening, thanks to my husband who made a surprise appointment for me, who helped refer me to a good handful of possibilities. 🤞🏼I would really like to get this nipped in the bud once and for all, but I’m picky. I want to talk to a woman. Who is also a mother. Who also specializes in treating anxiety disorders. A woman who is a mother who specializes in treating anxiety disorders specifically like mine. Which I won’t go into because it’s not really about that specific thing, anxiety is just anxiety. It likes to fixate on one thing but it’s really about so many things. It creates something out of nothing. And then this woman who is also a mother who also specializes in anxiety disorders must also be available in the evenings after I get off of work in a specific suburb. And also votes Democrat? 👍🏼🤷🏻♀️So hopefully, the list that I received this evening will be helpful and leave me in the right direction. In my wildest dreams I get my anxiety under control and quit worrying about worrying so much, and then everything is bliss. But I know that’s not reality. But I hope I can at least get to a place where I can recognize when I’m getting to that spiraling place, notice it, talk to it, not shame it, and then tuck it in. 🌀 at least in the meantime, while I’m processing all of it, I’m going to end up with a really gorgeous and organized studio. #silverlinings#mentalhealth#endthestigma